Time slips away

Mom and Dad came over today. 

No surprise there, it is a privilege to have them living just an hour away. Dad and I were scheduled to do some light carpentry. 

Mom was scheduled to spend the day going for a walk and sitting and talking with us and generally having a nice day. But nice days are tougher for her then they used to be. She and Dad went last week for her first medical visit and physical with her new doctor in Lake County. She is still upset about the doctor speaking to her as if she has any problems, she is fine and does not want to see that doctor ever again. Along with general health issues the medical check-up was for a mental health review and Dad privately asked the doctor after the visit about Mom's status and prognosis. The doctor used the clear medical term, "well, she is pretty far along...." . Humm... what ever that means. 

So today, Dad and I worked, Linda and Mom went for a short walk and after Linda left for work Mom was on her own to wander the house and our very small yard. She would sit for a while in the shade, wonder over to see what we were doing, comment on the neighbor's cat wandering by, generally quiet, normal, wonderful, Mom things. Then she would start following Dad around. He has commented about her following him like a "puppy dog." I had not seen this before and she can be insistent, incessant and insolent in her following behavior. Where ever he moves, there she is four feet behind him. He stops, she stops, he moves six feet, she moves right along, back and forth... gets on your nerves after awhile. Funny when you think about it, but then, not ha ha funny at all. 

The phone rang off the hook today, each call was some recorded message telling me how to vote next Tuesday. I AM SORRY, but I will be voting on my own thank you very much, you keep bugging me, I might just vote against you, who ever you are. Another call, it was someone from Dad and Mom's church asking me if I knew their new address and could I tell them where Alan and Marjorie had moved to... I gave the phone to Dad and talked for awhile and Mom got very upset. By the time he was off the phone she was off in the shade, sitting and crying quietly to herself.  (Earlier she had been speaking with Pat Trumble, she said, except Pat is a neighbor of mine who died about a month ago whom she knew when she was in college... so at first I did not realize she was crying this time...) Dad noticed and I asked him what we should do. "There is nothing to do..." he said. "She does this every day and when I talk with her she knows she is upset but can not put the words together to say about what. So I went and sat with her, asked what the problem was. 

She said that she was upset because Dad had been on the phone and the people in the Fort Bragg church did not know where they were and she was upset because she was certain something had happened to HER mother and Dad would not tell her what that was and she wanted to go home and no one would tell her if her parents are dead or alive and why was Dad keeping information from her and he never told her anything and she wanted to go traveling but he would not take her and she did I know what happened to her parents since Dad would not tell her and this was all very upsetting to her and did I have any idea what had happened to her mother. No, it didn't feel funny to me at the time either. 

So I talked with her and held her hand and shared stories with her about her move away from Fort Bragg over 15 years ago and about her mother's funeral and her mother's grave in Cleone and how Linda and I had attended the funeral with her and how it really did all happen and even though she could not remember all these things now she had lived these things and it was OK if she did not remember. I talked to her about our neighbor Pat and told of her funeral and she said that was fine, "but I was just talking to her."  And she said that she was fine, but Dad should still tell her  things and he is keeping important information from her. She went on to say that she does not know where she is much of the time and this is upsetting to her. I asked her if she felt "scared or afraid" and she said, no, it was not like that, she just needed to be told more things about what is going on and if Dad would just tell her......

So now I was upset. 

Later Dad and I talked about it, he could tell it had been upsetting to me and I told him I guess I just needed to see for myself how she was thinking even though it will never do any good and nothing can be done to reverse this moving into darkness that she is experiencing. Yet, in between the bouts of tears she is cheerful and happy to talk to her family pictures and talk to the cats in the yard and talk to her invisible friends and where is the harm in all that. She is not in any physical pain. She is in very limited emotional pain, she has very limited emotional range. And gradually the darkness will close in completely and she will be completely gone. 

Stages of Death: 

So here we are, below are Stages 6 and 7, the final two stages in the Alzheimer's disease. 

For more information see http://www.alz.org/AboutAD/Stages.asp

Mom is deep into Stage 6, with every symptom shown below in Stage 6 except for significant incontinence and toilet issues. 

Stage 6:	Severe cognitive decline (Moderately severe or mid-stage Alzheimer's disease)
	Memory difficulties continue to worsen, significant personality changes may emerge and affected individuals need extensive help with customary daily activities. At this stage, individuals may: Lose most awareness of recent experiences and events as well as of their surroundings Recollect their personal history imperfectly, although they generally recall their own name Occasionally forget the name of their spouse or primary caregiver but generally can distinguish familiar from unfamiliar faces Need help getting dressed properly; without supervision, may make such errors as putting pajamas over daytime clothes or shoes on wrong feet Experience disruption of their normal sleep/waking cycle Need help with handling details of toileting (flushing toilet, wiping and disposing of tissue properly) Have increasing episodes of urinary or fecal incontinence Experience significant personality changes and behavioral symptoms, including suspiciousness and delusions (for example, believing that their caregiver is an impostor); hallucinations (seeing or hearing things that are not really there); or compulsive, repetitive behaviors such as hand-wringing or tissue shredding Tend to wander and become lost
Stage 7:	Very severe cognitive decline (Severe or late-stage Alzheimer's disease)
	This is the final stage of the disease when individuals lose the ability to respond to their environment, the ability to speak and, ultimately, the ability to control movement. Frequently individuals lose their capacity for recognizable speech, although words or phrases may occasionally be uttered Individuals need help with eating and toileting and there is general incontinence of urine Individuals lose the ability to walk without assistance, then the ability to sit without support, the ability to smile, and the ability to hold their head up. Reflexes become abnormal and muscles grow rigid. Swallowing is impaired.

May God help the living