Fwd: Merry Christmas ? 2006

Subject: Merry Christmas ? 2006

So the joy of the season continues, ho ho ho.

Sunday Dad and I had a wonderful afternoon working on several projects at his house. Mom was there, but it is different now. We worked on re-attacking the unopened boxes from his move back in July. There were still boxes piled in the back office and still boxes of Mom's clothes that had never been opened. We also moved into the laundry room a new floor to ceiling linen cabinet that Dad had made in the garage. The cabinet is finished with a nice stain and clear coat and has real nifty hidden hinges on the front doors.

As Dad worked on opening boxes Mom was unable to stay away from poking and lifting each item found and she continuously moved items from box to box removing any chance at order, so Mom and I went for a walk. She is much quieter now then she used to be, walking quietly, slower pace, yet still a good walk. She gets cold easily and dresses in unusual layers of sweaters and woolens with just one object, staying warm. She talked some on the walk, about nothing and then she wandered on ahead of me with no sense that we were both there.

Dad had made good progress while we were gone. Later we installed the mirror on Mom's dresser and continued to set up the spare bedroom for Dad to sleep in down the hall. While doing all this I found some suspicious tissue tossed in the corner of Mom's bedroom and I did not mention it to Dad. Later, I made a glorious "tender bit casserole" with fresh garlic and fresh mushrooms, we had Christmas Eve dinner, just the three (or was it four?) of us. For a few minutes denial was the better part of Valor.

All day Mom was popping in and out of the two bathrooms and spending time talking to herself. Early in the day Dad pointed out that she was actually talking to her "friend", "twin", "sister" who would only talk with her in the bathrooms, (in front of the mirror). So i asked Mom who she was talking with and at first she said her "friend" was shy and would not come out or talk to me. By the end of the day I would lean against the bathroom door jamb and Mom and I would have three way conversations with Mom answering for and gesturing to the girl in the mirror. Turns out her name is the same, Marjorie Louis, and it turns out that "they" both know many of the same people. In the middle of all this I asked Mom what my name was... she struggled for a bit and said I was "Craig, what, don't you know your own name..." go figure. So by dinner time she wanted me to set four table settings and make sure there was food for "her sister". So then it gets interesting, she won't sit down and eat, keeps stepping out to check on her friend, asking her to stay at the table makes her mildly upset and when we cleared the food away she was rather disgusted that we were not sensitive to her and would not feed her friend.

Today is Christmas Day, Linda and Mark and I had a gentle day together. Linda is feeling poor enough that we did not drive to Sacramento to her aunts place for a Dunbar Christmas. It would have been nice to go and see everyone, but tiring too. So here we are. Dad called about 10AM and shared that he had continued today, cleaning Mom's room and had begun to find soiled tissues, toilet paper and soiled underwear stashed all through the drawers of Mom's dresser and the linen closet in the bathroom. Well so much for denying the reality of what I found yesterday. He has cleaned her bedroom and both bathrooms to create a new clean house and see how bad the problem is. Fact is, he has been in denial that this is happening. He and I spoke of it over a month ago when Mom and Linda worked together to get her to take a shower. But here we are.

I went through a lot of emotions today. Dad and I talked several times and he is struggling with the reality that he MUST get some help and the steps have started that will end with Mom in a care center and him home alone. I struggled with anger more then anything today. Linda helped me talk through the reality that I am not MAD at anyone or anything, just angry at the situation with non-specific fears tossed in regarding the future.

I have been telling several friends that 2007 was going to be an interesting year.