We wish you a merry christmas

Mom is spending her first Christmas in a nursing home.
Dad will be at our house for Christmas dinner tomorrow and I had to
get sick just now before my family takes off on a little holiday.

Ah the melancholy of the holidays. Last year this time was the merely
a fore shadow of where 2007 would lead. One year ago it was clear
that the end of home care for Mom was nearing but at the time it
seemed at least far enough away to not worry about. By the time May
arrived and Mom was placed I had come to realize just how exhausted
Dad was and just how important it was to make some changes. I do not
speculate much on what might have been if Mom had stayed home longer.
Dad may have fallen completely apart, she probably would have fallen
at home just as she did in a care center. Her hip would still have
fractured. Waste of time to think about other scenarios, this is the
life we live.

One on One

And the weeks continue on. 

I requested and received the current "care plan" for Mom from the nursing home. In it is a very brief note declaring "one on one care". And there in lies a story. 

Mom now has had a personal attendant aide for going on three weeks. Surprise, surprise, no incidents reported, no conflicts reported, no issues reported at all. During this time Dad has had his first cataract surgery on one eye and he is doing just fine thank you with out any additional stress over Mother's care. 

I visited Mom last week, I even took my camera and shot depressing images to add to my family history showing the changes she is going through. She did not look good at all. Her care continues at a positive high level. One on one is working, more on that in a moment. The vasculitis has continued to spread and she has under skin bleeding blotches on much of her left arm and portions of her legs. Her face is puffy and swollen and her chart refers to decreased kidney function. She is not in good shape. 

When she saw me she started to cry and held my hand and repeated several times, "I want to go home" or "I just want to see Jesus". She was outside in the back patio of the facility with her dedicated nurse's aid. She was being wheeled about and she also pulls herself strongly with her feet on the ground in the directions she wants to go. She was rolled inside the dining room and what ever the moment had been outside, it was gone. She is completely unable to hold still, moving, pulling her chair, pushing backward, pushing her aide back into the nearest table. Pushing with surprising strength that seems to reflect her frustration at what ever is churning through her brain. The aide brought her back to me several times while I took some pictures and chatted with the employee. I thanked her for what she was doing in caring for Mother. She commented, "oh, is this one on one thing the final straw..." Seems the help may have heard of the meeting several weeks ago. 

One of the nurses came over and gave Mom some medicine and another staff stopped by to say hi. Each and all seemed to think she has a wonderful spirit and is a joy when she is not running over toes in the hallway.  I just sat and watched her. Tugging, pushing, pulling, reaching out to grab any table, chair, wall rail, anything to move herself in a direction. She was not the least interested that I was there after the first 20 seconds. 

Care plan includes approval for the following drugs:

Primary medications:

Ativan, given morning and night, dose unknown.

Ativan is in a group of drugs called benzodiazepines, Ativan affects chemicals in the brain that may become unbalanced and cause anxiety.

Antidepressant:

Risperidone

Antipsychotic medication:

Risperidone

Pain medication: 

Oxycodone

Corti-steroid:

Prednisone

Wegener's granulomatosis:

Cyclophosphamide

A nurse who I had not met before made a special detour into to the dining room to see us. She asked if I was Marjorie's son and I said yes. She commented, she talks of you and your brother Bill all the time. 

The next phase is here?

Dad called me this past Monday, the 19th, and said that the facility
was holding a meeting with him at 10AM regarding mother's care. I
drove up and attended the meeting. Before we entered the facility Dad
shared the rest of the conversation and indicated it was his belief
that the facility was going to ask him to "move mother again."

The meeting was attended by, myself, Dad, the head Nurse, the
admitting/admissions manager (lady), and the facility owner. The head
nurse started the session with a review of the past three weeks and
the changes in Mom's behavior, including...

Over some, non-specific period of time there have been six or seven
incidents where mother and her wheel chair have bumped, passed,
rubbed, touched or otherwise impacted another patient and that other
patient has reacted aggressively to Mother (the victim) with a push,
slap, grab or shove.

Three days ago, or "last Friday", mother "struck" or hit a staff aid
who was assisting her with some need (unspecified). This staff person
was "hit hard enough in the head that we needed to drive him/her to
the doctor for evaluation."

Mom continues to be one of the most active wheel chair movers in the
facility. She has a vertical pole attached to the back of her chair
to prevent her chair from passing through doors and hall way
sections. This restricts her movements to the hallway chosen by
staff. Apparently she attempts to enter patient rooms and she has
"figured out a way to tip her chair and get into other rooms."

The admitting person chimed in with..."we are very concerned for your
mother's safety and for her own safety we need to help you find a new
facility for you mother."

The owner added several remarks about, "we want what is best for your
mother, we want her safe, she is disruptive to the facility..."

At this point I asked the admitting person, "so you are saying, if my
mother was removed from your facility, remove this one patient, and
her wing or hallway would be calmer, quieter?"

She responded, with the head nurse, "yes, that is true, except the
improvement would affect the entire facility."

The owner chimed in with a vague remark of..."you know the state is
watching us closely...." I did not follow up on this comment.

Both Dad and I repeated that we were happy with the facility, pleased
that mother is there, we have no desire to move her, there is no
other facility nearby.

The meeting ended with Dad and I asking several questions regarding
availability of beds in other facilities and specifically, was the
staff recommending that Mom be placed in a locked "Alzheimer's unit?"
The answer was YES.

I asked about specific other facilities and "wouldn't it be best if
this was a facility to facility transfer, rather then a "discharge
and new family placement"?". They conceded that a facility search for
a new placement would probably be most effective but would we
"please" start looking for a new placement "as a family".

The meeting was over, they promised to look for a new placement
facility, no timetable was met or mentioned, we made no specific
promises of any kind.

After the meeting, I visited with Mom a few minutes. She physically
looks different. Her face if puffy and round (from medication?) and
she is constantly moving, agitated, rolling her chair, wants to be
with her visitor, but rolling off right away at the same time. No
recognition of me, no idea my name, I asked, pretty constant
repeating, "I just want to go home". Heaven?

What I know and What I am learning...

During the past three weeks the medication used to calm mother has
been changed, increased, on at least two occasions. I was called and
notified several weeks ago that the "evening" dose was being
increased to "morning and evening" to help calm her during the day.

From time to time, probably three times, over the past two months,
the staff has called and notified us that there has been some sort of
"incident" or contact between patients with Mom being the "victim".
It has always sounded very minor and only once, that I recall, was it
ever mentioned that her wrist or arm was grabbed and there was minor
bruising.

Until Monday, I had never heard of the "hitting of staff" incident
mentioned in the meeting.

Dad and I adjourned to his house and we made some calls. Dad called
the facility in Petaluma that Mom was moved to back in June. She had
at first been placed in their ambulatory locked unit after being
transfered from Clearlake on a recommendation that she be placed in a
ambulatory Alzheimer's unit. Dad was told, on Monday, by that
facility, that wheel chair bound patients were NOT allowed in the
locked unit and any wheel chair patient would be placed in "general
population."

I called the highly regarded facility in Williams and spoke with a
helpful lady about placement. She said her facility had no bed and
"had a waiting list". Then she listened to my story a moment and
said, "remember sir, they can not discharge her, even if they want
to. She is a MediCal patient and she can not be discharged. "

Another incident

Last night, the 20th, I received a call from the facility about
8.30pm. The call was to notify me that another "incident" had taken
place where mother's wheel chair had bumped or touched the feet of
another patient and mother had been grabbed "on the arm". There was
no bruising reported but we were being notified, "just like the state
must be notified of any incident of possible "elder abuse"."

Here is what I believe

I believe that the facility is attempting to operate with as few
incidents that need to be reported to the state as possible. I
believe that they believe mother is the cause of many of those
current incidents. They consistently describe mother as the "victim",
they speak of "her safety", yet I believe this is all about the
record of the facility and their attempt to improve their safety
record by asking us to move Mom.

My current research has led me to two information sources.

CANHR, California Advocates for Nursing home reform
http://www.canhr.org/

The Ombudsman Program of Lake and Mendocino Counties

I have learned there is a very short list of reasons a patient can be
discharged from a facility. I have learned that facilities sometimes
"trump up" charges that allow them to discharge a "difficult" patient
without complying with the short list of legal discharge reasons.

I do not yet know what role MediCal plays in all this since mother is
a 100% MediCal pay patient, where would she be discharged to?...

This will take more research.

Musings on a visit

Jerry, 

You are such a blessing. Your visiting means a lot to me and I know it does to Dad also. I am flying to Nashville next week to see my brothers and then drive back across the country with Dad. Should be an interesting week. Should be a good week. Dad and I have talked of taking a road trip together and this should do it. 

My son Mark and I visited Mom today. It was the first time he had seen her in probably three months and she did not recognize him or acknowledge him at all. She only recognized me in the briefly teary generic way that she has. She was absolutely flat with no remarks, no connection. She was not able connect with me, so after I unlocked her chair, she just drove off. Came back once, still no connection so off she went with staff to supper. 

Strangely disappointing, as if some other outcome was expected. 

I spoke with my young (thirty something) second cousin on my father's side yesterday. She was speaking of her grandmother and telling me how she visits grandma every day and every day engages her even though "she is usually gone". She went on to say "I will not give up, I have complete hope and faith.....". I asked her, faith that what? A miracle will happen? We know how these things end, there is no mystery here, we know the end of the story. And she said, "no, I will not give up." 

And I am happy for her. 

Craig

 

Sally and I stopped in to see Marjorie yesterday.  She's pretty much exactly as you have described but did start with a bit of a surprising event.  She saw me, called me by name (Gerald) held my hands and just sobbed and sobbed.  Later to a slightly lessor extent she did the same with Sally (she didn't call her name) but when I asked her if she knew her, Marjorie replied "of course I do".

 

But it doesn't take long for her to begin her sad incomprehensible ramblings.  We hadn't been there long when she just turned around and was wheeling way.  I went and "got her" and brought her back to the two chairs Sally and I were sitting in and she seemed pleased to see us again.

 

Several of the nurses/aides etc. came over and said what a joy Marjorie was and she gave them a hug or a squeeze.  I talked to one of the nurses and she commented that your Mom sure hadn't forgotten her "religious training" (although that did not come up yesterday with us in any way that I could understand).  She asked/talked about her parents a couple of times and I told her "they were gone".  Marjorie also remembered working for "Auntie Eva" and others (this came up when talking to some of the staff).

 

We must have hung around for up to an hour...she would "cruise off", I'd bring her back and we'd "talk".  A couple of times she made complete sense...I mentioned that I was in communication with you and she said "he's a good boy".  I also mentioned being in touch with Janet and Lester and she said "they lost their son...just terrible". But then she would go off muttering something totally incoherent to us.

 

What else is there to say...Sally and I left simply saying to each other, please don't let that happen to us.  (Of course, how does one prevent that?!).

 

Anyway, wanted you to know.  You, Allen and all involved have our sympathy.  And we feel so sorry for your mom.

 

Jerry

It has been a very long time

And what is there to say. Day turns into night and night into day and
there is no good news. There is actually no news at all but there is
certainly no good news. Acknowledging that there will never be good
news does not in any way lesson the questions and view of the future.

Visiting Mom is an internal chore that brings along with it feelings
of some guilt and uncertainty. What happens next, what is the
appropriate visitation level, what is the the point of the visit at
all. Damn it all, it all sounds so selfish and absorbed.

Mom, rolls up and down the halls, crying, praying, asking for Jesus,
confused, lost, hopeless and forlorn. To visit is to tear away again
after no recognition. What is the point, to assuage me? To comfort her?

She is stable in that indeterminate stability that can last for
months and months and if there is any internal awareness must be
dreadful for her. But oh, she knows little and often not her own
name, where is the pain?

The pain is there, inconsolable, but there, fixable, not, but there.

God rest her.

Slippage of the mind

Posting to the blog is not to be a chore. Not really a pleasure
either but not a chore.

Watching Dad slowly, and sometimes quickly, moving into the shape of
his future life is interesting, but not in a disinterested sort of
way, more the "hope the train doesn't crash" sort of way. He is one
tough, tender, quiet, sometimes moved to tears, husband and father.
And my friend.

Mom is more the solo wheel chair races in the hallway kind of person
now. She has her slick little wheel chair and up and down her hall
she goes. But mostly alone. Her chair has a pole on the back that
hits the top of the door jamb at the fire doors junction in her hall,
stopping her from moving out into the nurses station, lobby area
where there is so much traffic and all the parked chairs of the
patients who have quit racing but can still get upset if any racing
chairs get too close.

I walked down the hall to see Mom and she surprised me by looking up
from her chair and saying, "Hi Craig, I have not seen you in so
long..." Well that was interesting. The next aide who walked by was
told, "look, this is my son Craig, he has come to visit me, he has
never come before but he is here now." Truly interesting.

After all the visits when Mom has been distant, lost, quiet, rolls
away, can't focus, this was interesting and it lasted for about 10
minutes. I drug a chair out of her room and we sat in the hall
together for over half an hour. I did not lock her chair wheel, her
life has devolved to the point that she can not figure out a wheel
lock on one wheel, instead she stayed awhile, drifted off, came back
and when I got up to go, she said, no, please don't go, stay with me.
And that is a bit hard to handle.

The medical reports are in as I mentioned recently. She again is
confirmed with vasculitis, Wegener's Granularmatosis, with vascular
eruptions on the calf of one leg and non-stage specified kidney
disease. Her breathing has improved, the choking feeling she has
struggled with is not active now and she is eating well and
maintaining her weight.

What a life.

Tough to breath

The nursing staff from the care center called both father and I today following up on breathing difficulty that Mom had over the weekend. 

After several episodes of coughing, shortness of breath and general difficulty breathing the on-call physician ordered a chest x-ray this past weekend. Not surprisingly the film showed no visible problems. The nursing staff has continued to work with breathing difficulty through today, Monday, and this evening the physician ordered a "nebulizer treatment" and Mom was able to calm and go to sleep. 

My lay-person opinion and thoughts. 

Mom has been diagnosed with Wegener's Granulormatosis for more then ten years. She has been on Septra for extended periods of time (years at a time) and she ended the Septra treatment about two years ago while the vasculitis was in remission or a calm period. I think it is back and the pre-admission physical Mom had back in May confirmed that some of the symptoms had returned including subcutanious bleeding and upper respitory distress and fruitless coughing. 

Quoting from vasculitis.med.jhu.edu

Wegener's can affect virtually any site in the body, but it has a predisposition for certain organs. The classic organs involved in Wegener's are the upper respiratory tract (sinuses, nose, ears, and trachea [the "windpipe"]), the lungs, and the kidneys. Listed below are the organs commonly involved in Wegener's Granulomatosis and the specific disease manifestation(s) in each organ.

• Ear
• Eye
• Nose
• Sinuses
• Trachea
• Lungs
• Kidney
• Skin
• Joints
• Nerves

The care nurse I spoke with this evening referred to COPD, which is Chronic Obstructive Pulmonary Disease. 

Quoting from lungusa.org

Chronic obstructive pulmonary disease (COPD) is a term referring to two lung diseases, chronic bronchitis and emphysema, that are characterized by obstruction to airflow that interferes with normal breathing.  Both of these conditions frequently co-exist, hence physicians prefer the term COPD. It does not include other obstructive diseases such as asthma.

Me again:

Obviously this is also a possibility but with the history of Wegener's I am no at all certain that COPD is the current condition.

We are a long way from a care plan and there is no diagnosis of the current condition but this is truly a complication for Mom. She is not mentally in a condition to understand care that might include nasal oxygen or other hoses or appliances. I would imagine she would pull and tear at any hose or tube used for breathing assistance. 

I had better stop speculating.  

The reality of thinking of other things

Oh dear. I have not thought of Mom for several days.

I mentioned this once before but it just struck me how quickly I am
sliding into the new reality that she is where she is and Dad is
where he is and I am at home and work and this is the way it is going
to be for awhile.

I am not discontent with this, it is just an interesting feeling to
go, "oh, Mom is probably in the hall way of her care center rolling
along in her chair mumbling confusion to herself, that should be
upsetting me, shouldn't it?"

But it is not as upsetting as it was a week ago or a month ago. This
is the new reality. Our lives are beginning to go on.

Dad is struggling. He pointed out that they have been married 52
years and the missing companion is what he misses. He went to visit
her a few days ago and she recognized him for just a few seconds,
told one of the staff, "hey look, there is my husband", and then it
was gone, about that fast. He knows the reality that there is no
sliding back to "normal" but the mind and heart play tricks with the
head and he found it quite upsetting. He cried and he does not do
that often.

A number of family, cousins and such of my mother's are being very
supportive. Several older relatives are staying in touch with Dad,
with me, by phone and email, Thanks Jerry and Dorothy.

Makes me wonder

I visited Mom again today. How many times have I said that, how many
times have I written it...

Since I was last here much has happened. Two weeks ago Dad and I
moved Mom from Petaluma back to Clearlake to the nursing home she
started her journey in last May. She is back within ten miles of
Dad's home and I again can visit both Mom and Dad in the same trip,
no driving opposite directions to see each of them. The 80 mile
journey back to Clearlake was thankfully uneventful, Mom was quiet,
almost sleepy the entire drive and we needed to make no un-scheduled
stops of any kind. The staff in Clearlake were ready for our arrival
and Mom was in her new bed in no time at all.

Sadly her emotions and responses were essentially flat the entire
day. While at ease and comfortable with Dad and I she also had very
little reaction to either of us on any emotional level. When we
arrived at our destination the staff provided a wheel chair to our
car and it took us many long minutes to get Mom up, standing, turned
around and seated in the chair. She was unable to take direction,
unable to understand the mechanics of turning around and was very
nervous regarding standing and walking. Quite discouraging.

So, I was back for a visit today. I walked in to the center, was
greeted by staff that recognized me and I made my way to Mom's room.
I found her in her wheel chair in the hallway, foamy wedge seatbelt
in place, she was fiddling with a foot rest on her chair. I said, "Hi
Mom", said it several times, she did not particularly respond, I
turned her chair and moved down to her level and said "Hi" again. She
recognized me on some level, took my hand and I walked with her
rolling along down to her room. Each open door we came to she wanted
to turn in since this was "her room", I kept us rolling along until
we arrived at her door.

Her bed is is a "low bed" with a floor pad, no restraints, just a
nurse station motion alert and a floor pad for rolling out of bed. I
guess I would rather not think about the nights right now. I sat on
the bed, faced her tried several simple attempts to reach her, "hi
Mom, how are you...", "hi Mom, are you having a good day?...", "Mom,
is today a good day?". She never responded. She removed her sandals,
I put them back on, she turned her chair around and rolled out of the
room. That was it. She went out to the hall, turned right and slowly
cruised down the hall to the first available room, where she turned
in. I stood at the door of her room, leaning against the door jamb,
watching her go, I considered crying. I walked down the hall, met the
nurses's aide for the hall, the aide said, "where is Marjorie?", I
said she just rolled into her neighbor's room. The aide said, "oh no"
and trotted down the hall. I walked out the front door.

Total time, eight minutes, what a great visit, what a great son.

It is OK to forget

Took off for the weekend.

Left town for a long weekend actually.

Family went camping up near Sierra Buttes and we had a wonderful
time. Swimming in Upper Salmon Lake, camping within the shadow of the
buttes. Getting up at 5.15 AM for sunrise photos as the sun lights
the Sierra's with morning light. Watching a mother bear and three
cubs run across the road and then seeing two cubs climb a tree while
mom watched us from the fringe of the woods. It was a fabulous
weekend. Four wheel driving up to Upper Sardine Lake in the
Pathfinder was great fun. Later watching a lifted Jeep Cherokee try
to climb the same rather simple route and see them puncture a tire
side-wall, get stuck on a rock step and generally muck up the route
was also entertaining.

But, more importantly spending three days not thinking of Mom was
wonderful. I must be adjusting to where she is. I guess I presume she
is adjusting also. Oh my, I just said not thinking of her was
wonderful, what a terrible thing to say. But I hope you get my
meaning, each of us, Dad, Mom and myself are settling in to the new
reality of Mom in a nursing home, Dad home alone and me living my
life and visiting Mom on the weekends. Some normal.

Thousands of families are living this way. Alzheimer's has affected
so many families just like mine and the new normal is experienced by
tens of thousands who are dealing with adjusting to the new normal
and not falling into the guilt trap that is waiting around every corner.

I visited Mom on Monday, alone, Dad is visiting friends in Humbolt
County and this was my first visit to Petaluma alone. It went very
well, as these things go. She was in a wheel chair in the hallway
near her room and I rolled her out to the lobby with the bird cage of
budgies. I sat and talked and took several pictures while she talked
quietly. She recognized me right off but I have felt for several
visits that she is recognizing familiarity rather the me, Craig.
Despite my understanding that her knowing or not knowing "me" is a
pointless exercise, I asked her several times if she knew who I was.
Bless her heart, her answers were wonderfully defensive, "don't try
to fool me, you know your own name." "Of course I know your name.."
"no, I can not say your name, you already know it". And finally, "I
know your name, but not your last name". She never did say my name.

So I got fixated on names and I began telling her family stories. In
each short story ( I remember when you and your friend Bonny did this
or that..) I included several names that just three months ago she
would have reacted to with a smile or comment or recognition. This
time... nothing. Not sure why I played out the lose-lose exercise,
but I did.

Before I arrived at the facility I intended to speak with the staff
regarding Mom's care plan and inquire what "calming" medication she
was on, if any. I did not pursue the question, after about 15 minutes
she said she was tired and needed a nap so I rolled her back to the
nurse's station.

New reality.

People keep asking

It is the most natural thing in the world that interested people keep
asking about Mom, how is Mom, what is happening, what is new, what
has changed... and the answer is often harder then the question.

Mom is the same and nothing has changed. Mom is the same and
everything has changed.

Dad and I have fallen into a routine of visiting her nearly every
Friday, after work. Each time we go it is hard to see the changes and
then after the visit we seem to second guess ourselves on what the
changes were... if any.

Mom is still in Petaluma in the geriatric care center. She is in a
wheel chair now and physical therapy to assist her in returning to
any walking after her pelvis fracture has been only moderately
successful. She can walk with a walker and with an assistant by her
side for a few steps. She is sitting up just fine on her own in the
wheel chair and she sits with a foam wedge lap restraint across her
lap. The shape of the vinyl covered foam fits into slots in the frame
of the wheel chair and she can not figure out how to remove it. Yes,
she still gets agitated and would fall again. On each visit it seems
clear the pain medication has been reduced to lower levels and the
medication given for agitation was recently at a low level as well
and this last visit seemed to indicate increased confusion.

She is not in pain, it seems, she is able to push her chair with her
feet and she can move along the hallway wall by pulling on the wall
railing. The chair wheel locks confuse her a great deal and if she
gets one lock open and the chair moves in a circle it is very
upsetting to her. She wants to move.

I walked up to her and said HI as I always do and she merely
responded casually with no intimate recognition on this visit. I
pulled up a chair and sat right in front of her, at her level, and
said HI again and this time after I said a few words she recognized
me. Or at least she recognized that I was someone she knew and
appreciated. She has not said my name in many weeks and while I find
myself want to ask her, DO YOU KNOW MY NAME, I hold back from doing
so, I guess I fail to see the point.

Dad stood by her side and spoke to her and we tried on a new pair of
slip on shoes we brought, they fit fine, and she did not recognize
him until he sat down in the chair and spoke directly to her. She
then recognized him and said something like, "oh, it is you". The way
she says it has always been a voice and style of tone just for Dad.
She knew it was him. For maybe a minute. She complained briefly about
some promptly forgotten item in her life and then she drifted of into
how wonderful the people were that took care of her. A nurse or aide
walked past us and Mom pointed out that she was the sister of a girl
that Mom had known back in high school and it was too bad that I had
never had a chance to meet her friend. Then she drifted into tugging
at her lap foamy and fiddling with the wheelchair brakes and
generally wandering off in her mind.

When we left her she merely continued fiddling with her chair and
there was no recognition of our departure. We go out to the truck and
Dad is a mess. He tears up for just a few moments after each visit
and we tend to drive off quietly for a while before we start talking.

Does life have some grand rhyme, some grand meaning, some sense of
wonder at the power to live?

ANYTHING GOOD TO REPORT?

This is the longest the blog has stayed quiet in quite some time.

A trip in the desert was just what I needed right now. Knowing that
Mom is in a safe place and relatively stable let me clear my mind and
just travel for a few days without calling Dad more then every two
days. As I traveled I thought a great deal about the history and
memories my family has out in the desert. My trip took me on a large
triangle from the Bay Area to LA to Vegas to Salt Lake and then
across to Reno and back home. I realized very early in the trip that
ever single road I would travel would be a road that our family had
traveled in the past on one of our many trips across the desert over
the years. In Utah I traveled north on Hwy 89 and I just relaxed
with the flow of travel on a two lane road instead of on the freeway.
Zion, Bryce Canyon, Capital Reef and Cedar Breaks passed by and with
the miles my mind and heart and soul began to relax and enjoy the
scene rather then hurting for what was, but is no longer to be.

Dad is up at Redwood campground with Janet and Lester this weekend.
No, camp meeting is not for several weeks but they are just visiting.
This is the first weekend he has really gotten away since this phase
started. Yes, I was out in So. Cal and Utah for ten days and while it
was a truly great trip and time to get away and just see some country
and wave the college flag at camp meeting I was certainly glad to
return safe home.

Mom is stable. Dad and I went to see her last Monday, the day I
returned, she is wheelchair bound and probably will be for some time
(forever?). She is also medicated to some level to reduce her
agitation and for the first time I could tell the meds were affecting
and reducing what ever connection she might have had with the people
around, like Dad and I. And yet, probably for the best.... dunno.

I find myself thinking that if the first center in Clearlake would
have worked with Dad on a light medication to reduce her agitation
then this whole detour through Petaluma and a cracked hip might not
have happened. But that is past and here we are.

Dad has started the process of gaining approval to return her to
Clearlake. The facility director and physical therapist' and doctors
have approved the move and now we wait a week or two for a "bed".
Probably move after the 4th. I find it strangely sad that our family
hopes for a bed and to get that bed some other family will probably
have a death in the family. Sad and strange.

Her walking days may be over.

Welcome to the Future

The entire family, Mark, Linda and I, joined Dad in visiting Mom
yesterday.

We were at the nursing home for just less then an hour and while my
stresses had been building for a whole day before the visit, the
visit calmed me and gave me a peace that I had been missing.

Dad, just the other way around, he was so wound up by the end of the
visit that he just wanted to get out of the place.

Mom is sitting up in a wheelchair, she has a foam bridge across her
lap as a restraint and she has torn and pulled at the foam cover
until it is just a torn mess covered in a sheet. When she first saw
Linda and Mark and I walking down the hall she started to cry and was
so pleased to see us. Gave us hugs and was very warm and connected
off and on for about three minutes. Mark unlocked her chair and
pushed her up and down the hall while Dad spoke with the charge nurse
and got a copy of her care plan and prescription plan.

We all settled in the small "front room" with comfortable chairs and
music and a cage of parakeets. Linda commented later that facilities
like this need more stimulus like, more birds, fish tanks, big TV's
with nature pictures, anything to create quite stimulus for the
patients. Dad commented that such things would help Mom very little
since she had always left the room when he had the TV on at home.
This after her earlier confusion regarding wether the faces on the TV
were actually guest in her home.

So we visited and sat in a circle and Mom chatted in ten to fifteen
second topics that ranged from wanting a drink to many, many thoughts
that she would start and then would just leave hanging as she seemed
to forget what the beginning thought was that she started with. Mom
has no memory of her fall, her hospital visit, the ambulance rides, X-
rays or any discomfort. She said she has been walking up and down the
halls but actually has only taken a few steps with the therapist. She
interacted with Linda and I more then with Dad and it seemed she was
oblivious to him after her first greetings to him. He pushed just a
little to ask her "what is my name..." which she was not able to
answer. I agree with Linda that even though she has much trouble with
names she was much comforted by faces and voices that she does know
and remember on some level.

I thought the visit went very well. Linda wheeled Mom back to the
nursing station and left her there, fiddling with her lap sheet and
there was no emotion in parting. Dad has a very emotional response to
the parting and gets torn up if Mom tugs at him and says, "don't go"
OR "don't leave me here". None of that this time and I do not know if
it is because of changes, medication or just what.....

So, on to her medical assessment.

The cynic in me comments, "so this is the end of a life lived as a
vegetarian, vegan, no smoking, no drinking, one husband, plenty of
exercise, no weight issues, this is the results of a healthy life?"

Her medical plan is designed to address the following diagnosis:

Pelvis fracture
Wegner's Granulomatosis
Alzheimer's Dementia
Dementia with agitated features
Anemia, non specific
Renal Insufficiency, Kidney disease
Leg Edema
Osteopenia
Vasculitis in legs
Osteoporosis

Not such a nice list of problems and issues.

But she is in good hands, in a safe place and she is finally on
several "calming medications" that seem to be helping with her
previous extreme agitation.

And then a broken hip

Where did this strange little saga leave off?

Mom was transfered to an ambulatory Alzheimer's unit last Thursday.
She settled in wonderfully and late Friday night or early Saturday
morning she fell and broke her hip. She was scheduled to have initial
x-rays completed on site but later on Saturday she was transported to
Santa Rosa Memorial Hospital where she is resting right now.

After further x-ray diagnostics it was determined that her pelvis is
cracked, her femur is fine and there will be no surgery. But she has
been a very agitated patient and she pulled out the first IV line
placed in her arm so she is now mildly sedated plus some morphine for
the pain. Even though she is eating and drinking her anemia is still
high and she was given two units of blood to increase her blood
pressure and total blood volume.

Dad and I went over and visited the hospital on Sunday morning and
Mom was sleeping after a very difficult night with IV's and such. The
nursing staff was wonderful to Dad and I in explaining her situation
and later the doctor called Dad and gave him an update. She is
scheduled to return to the care center on Tuesday and she will now be
placed in a standard three bed, non-locked wing of the facility and
chances are her ambulatory days of wandering off are over.

Dad is coming to grips with the changes and it would be nice if
things would just stay stable for a few days.

Two week later: Big Changes

Mom was placed in a nursing home two weeks ago today.

Today, she was discharged from the initial institution and Dad and I
moved her 75 miles to Petaluma to place her in another facility that
was better suited to dealing with her "ambulatory Alzheimer's" . She
has now been placed in the only facility in Lake or Sonoma Counties
that has a locked Alzheimer's unit that is supervised and designed
for the wandering patient.

After promises and assurances that the first facility had the
staffing and ability to create a care plan for an ambulatory patient,
Dad was contacted at the end of the first week and told that Mom did
not fit into the services provided by the facility and she would need
to be moved. This created more stress and consternation then initial
placement had just one week earlier. Dad began to scramble to find a
bed in a more appropriate facility and the stress placed on him was
tremendous. After significant urging in a phone call I made, the
original facility agreed to assist in searching for an alternative
site but ultimately Dad did all the research and had to do his own
new private placement in the next facility. Very frustrating.

The original facility failed to do a full and appropriate patient
assessment which would have indicated the possibility that the
patient and facility did not "fit" each other. But no, one week and
then a request that she be removed and a second week to find a bed.

Strangely, Mom seems more subdued and at peace with less emotion then
she expressed just two weeks ago. Dad signed the discharge papers and
a wonderful staff lady had already dressed Mom and packed her
personal items and we were ready to get in the car and start the
drive. Mom had no questions, she was only momentarily pleased to see
either father or I and then she drifted into a nap while we drove.

I was very concerned about the admission process at the new facility
and I asked Dad to enter first and ask the director to have staff
prepared to receive mother at the front door. What a difference from
the place we had just left. We were expected and the staff was
already prepared with a program supervisor and CNA and the facility
director waiting at the door to greet her. The executive director
opened the door for Mom, said, "Hello Marjorie, welcome, we have been
a expecting you."

Mom burst into the biggest smile, said, "Hello, it is so good to see
you" and gave her a hug like she was reuniting with a long missing
daughter. The two staff greeted Mom by name, began chatting with her
and taking her by the arm gently urged her into the hall and down to
the unit. With the merest hint of concern Mom walked off and never
looked back.

Dad signed papers with the director and she answered all our questions.

I learned more about what a locked Alzheimer's unit consisted of and
left the meeting certain that the facility and Mother's needs were
finally matched and the care would be wonderful. I noted to the
director that Dad had not been asked to sign a "consent to restrain"
form and she explained that they were a "no restraint" facility that
allowed the patients in the locked unit to wander at will in the
locked area. Personal items are kept to a minimum and the Alzheimer's
patients are allowed to wander into each others rooms, nap on each
others beds and not be limited to "this is yours, do not touch other
people's things." She explained, what we already knew, that the
concept of personal possessions is one of the early concepts to
"leave" with many Alzheimer's patients and rather then fight the
loss, the patients are allowed to wander.

Reality Check;

I was quite upset that this move had to take place. It was upsetting
to Dad and it all seemed so easily avoided if better steps had been
taken two weeks ago to review an ambulatory patient care plan before
admission. But all my stress was for nothing. When I saw Mom greet
the new director with the joy of reunion with an old friend, I
realized more then ever that her needs are best met in a care center
and I think we finally found a match. Mom never said my name today, I
got the same level of greeting as the director and Mom had no tears
when she saw Dad, just a rather quick greeting and on to other things.

Next step, making a visit to Mom's new home.

Tomorrow is the Day

Yesterday a new grand baby was born to a coworker of mine. Last week
the wife of a dear friend and SDA leader died from a stroke. Today I
rescued a western grebe (it is a bird) from certain death and gave it
a safe home. Today another family received word that their son was
accepted to college. Tomorrow Mother is admitted to a nursing home.
The weather is supposed to be wonderful, partly cloudy, temps in the
low 80's, should be very nice.

This week has become a marathon of preparing for tomorrow. It all
really started back in July of 2001 when Mom and Dad and I spent a
very uncomfortable weekend together working on documents that both
Mom and Dad needed to sign, but we already knew then, that it was
mostly Mom that needed to sign. Financial Power of Attorney, Medical
Power of Attorney, Medical Do Not Resuscitate order, Sign a will,
Sign a final wishes plan, who knew then that tomorrow would be the
day that all those documents would be used, officially.

Since 2001, the planning to eventually deal with the placement of Mom
in a nursing home for Alzheimer's care has been the "back story"
behind so many other family plans that Dad has made. When to move
closer to town. Where to move, how far to a hospital, how far to
town? Important topics now. And now tomorrow has come. Thought it
never would.

The placement interview with the facility was held on Monday. Met
with the facility director, the director of nursing, the business
manager. The preliminary care plan was started and a bed was
reserved. Tuesday was paper work day. Completing the MediCal
application, completing the county social services application,
copying all the supporting documents from car title to phone bill to
bank accounts, it took three hours and felt like all day. Wednesday
was supposed to be admission day but the initial care plan for Mom
includes an electronic bracelet for security in her early weeks
during the most likely time when she may attempt to wander off. That
bracelet was not available until Thursday, so here we are.

Tomorrow, admission starts at 10.30 AM, we have been told it will
take two hours. Mom will be under the care of facility staff, Dad and
I will be listening to care plans and Dad will be signing "about 20
items."

Those are the facts. How do I feel? The facility is nice as these
things go. Twelve years old, four wings, central nursing station, no
negative smells (really, no smells), huge fenced in back yard with
cement paths and trees and grass. 99 beds, two dining rooms, patients
are three to a room. Private visiting rooms are available for family
visits. Facility is privately, family owned and visits are encouraged
regardless of posted visiting hours.

Mom has sat through hours of Dad and I discussing care plans and
paperwork and packing clothes and name tags and she does not
comprehend. She seems to react to general stress and that is all. She
wanders in and out of the bathroom where she chats cheerfully with
her two friends. (I just found out there are two friends, one, she
says, is very nice but the "other one is quite a brat") who knew? Mom
is struggling more and more with identifying food on her plate, she
will point to a food item and say, "I know that is good, but what am
I supposed to do with it?" All her food must be cut into bite size
pieces. She is struggling with taking her pills, the process, pills,
mouth, water, is more confusing and she has a heightened gag reflex
that is going to cause more trouble in the future. She also has
barely controlled edema in her lower legs and also has subcutaneous
bleeding on one calf which may indicate the return of the vasculitis
that has plagued her for many years. Her care has started to kill Dad
and her weekly bathing assistant has started to really struggle to
safely control Mom on bath day. Mom's confusion has kept Dad on very
limited sleep for weeks and weeks and it all comes down to tomorrow.

But how do I feel? Pretty much no idea how I feel. I am keeping busy,
I either binge on food or feel like throwing up, I have a hard time
sleeping and I wake up at 4.50AM. Apparently I am fine. Dad is
coping, keeping busy, losing weight, (he has lost over 50 pounds in
the past two months). He is tending his garden and cracking walnuts,
taking Mom to day care so he can go shopping, keeping busy. He calls
me about 4-6 times a day. He regularly calls to talk with both my
brothers in Tennessee. he is very tired.

Tomorrow starts in 13 hours.

Interview of a lifetime

Dad is scheduled to have an interview with a care center for Mom this
week.

Do not know just what happens then or what happens next (yes, I know
what happens next but allow me a little denial), or when anything
will happen but this is the next step.

Mom and Dad and I had lunch together today. I made a vegetarian loaf
and we broke bread. Not like it will be the last time or anything,
just, it seems we are coming down to some more last times each time I
visit. Mom can still feed herself but she does not know what the
items are on her plate, or which plate is hers or what the difference
is between her plate and my plate. She took a slice of bread and then
remarked that that thing was on her plate and she did not know just
what to do with it, but she thought she should eat it. So Dad cut it,
buttered it, and she was fine from there. She had a bowl of
strawberry's for desert and she still wanted just one more spoon of
vege loaf so she tossed that on top of her strawberry's. Which is
fine, it all gets mixed soon anyway, but we usually wait.

What is more distressing is her losing battle with thoughts and words
and speech, well, not actually speech, she can speak fine, she just
can not string three words together into a thought. She did have a
memory of the lady who comes in once a week to help her bathe, she
was quite upset last week when the lady asked her to take a shower.
Mom told me that the lady told her to take a bath and she told the
stranger that she did not need any help taking a bath, she never had
needed help taking a bath, she would not start needing help with her
bath now and besides, she did not need a bath. Mom told me the lady
insisted on a bath so a bath was taken. (Dad confirmed all this and
more and said it was quite the time)

So Mom had this memory from about four days ago. But when I walk with
her outside she can only talk and mumble about how glad she is that I
am here and could I help with the problem people in the house, in the
bathroom and any dark room.

Apparently she goes through the house turning on the lights all night
and then she raids the refrigerator and freezer looking for
something. So Dad not only has dead bolts on the doors he has a lock
on the freezer and fridge and he has changed the lights so they will
not be on all night. Joy for all.

So the interview this week. We will see what happens next.

Looking for a home?

Dad has been doing a lot of research on what the assisted living
options will be for Mom in the future. As she slides into oblivion
and requires more care it seems that the future will probably arrive
this year, 2007.

There is so much to learn about the minutia of MediCal and the
details of the application process. Desiring the very best for Mom
and looking for a care center mixed in with all the related paperwork
seems to be just more stress then any of us need. Dad has an option
ten miles from his house, other options range up to an hour away from
his home and the hope is that Mom's condition and medical needs will
be a match with the services offered near home when the time comes.

"When the time comes" is a euphemism for... "this is actually
happening and it is happening right now but no one wants to say it
out loud that with in a matter of months Mom will be in an
Alzheimer's unit of some sort and we will have started the "next
stage" what ever that is. It is hard to sort through feelings and do
the work needed at the same time. Sometimes the work needed is to
take calls from Dad at 12 noon when I am at work and he is frustrated
and needs to talk and share the latest thing he has learned about
government paperwork or legal requirements or waiting lists or on and
on.

While we wait and live and work on a smooth future the lady that is
helping with Mom once a week continues to come in and tell Dad each
week that he should not be trying to care for Mom all by himself for
six days at a time without a break. So he takes Mom to day care, now
on three days a week for about four hours a day. It seems to be
helping him. Dad does comment occasionally about "guilt", a word he
does not often use. He feels guilt that he is dropping Mom off a the
church for day care, he feels guilt as he looks for a care center to
care for her, he feels guilt that has no rhythm or reason, it is just
there.

And sometimes, (often) I do to.

Incoherence and Alzheimer's

Watching and listening to a mind disintegrate from the inside out is
not very encouraging or contemplative.

Listening to the descent into babble and apparent hallucinations is
hard. Realizing there is very little, really nothing, that can be
done is not easy. Knowing that there is minimal pain is some comfort
but not really comfort at all since the we selfishly feel sorry for
our selves and our own feelings of helplessness.

Mom is sometimes incoherent and often unable to communicate what is
momentarily on her mind. She seems to see people not there, she is
distressed by the people she can not see yet she is certain are in
her home, in her life and, on some level, distressing her. The
incoherence and babbling appears to come from her inability to
articulate what she is seeing, feeling in her mind in that instant.

As I listened on the phone to her tonight and tried to lead her with
questions that might help her string some thoughts together ( I was
no help) she gradually quieted down over about ten minutes until she
was through speaking and wanted to give the phone to Dad.

Mom has not normally ( I should smile and change that line) had a
very strong "sundowner syndrome" with more evening agitation then
during the rest of the day. Possibly this is what is coming on now. I
of course, do not know.

Dad is continuing with the day care centers two days a week for four
hours each day and he has had the first visit from a lady who helps
with in home care and will be bathing Mom once a week.

Things are changing.

I choose to Live

I have spent the past several weeks observing the changes in Dad's
attitudes as he has come to grips with the current phase of Mom's
Alzheimer's disease.

Dad had recently used the word "depressed" for the first time in
referring to himself. He is naturally struggling with the energy
issues and frustrations and depression that plagues the spouse of an
Alzheimer's patient. He has never before in life considered
depression a part of HIS life and he has struggled within himself to
acknowledge that the changes taking place in Mom were truly tearing
him down also.

But this is not the change I refer to....

Dad has come to accept on a new level that Mom's fading away is
reality. Naturally he has known there is little he can do to change
the course of the disease yet he is only now more fully accepting the
changes that have arrived and are yet to come.

Dad signed Mom up for twice weekly half day "memory loss day care" at
a local church. Tuesday and Thursday Mom spends four hours with other
patients and spouses and parents and children with memory loss
issues. The volunteer assistants are wonderful and loving and kind to
Mom and also are responsive to the fears and concerns that Dad has as
well.

This was a huge step for Dad to take and he called me on the first
day feeling very emotional that this was the "first step" of many
steps yet to come. And all steps will be downward.

But that is only part of the change I refer to...

Dad has taken up a new hobby. Dad has apparently declared to himself
that he chooses to live. He has begun to again search for pleasure in
things that he wants to do rather being completely consumed with the
thought and care for Mom, that if not left unbalanced would sap him
to death as well. He is jumping into finishing his greenhouse system,
installing drip irrigation for his tomatoes and roses and tending to
plants in the hothouse that will be set out later in the Spring. He
is working with life and excited about something again. He is more
full of life on the phone with details of his hobbies and questions
for me to look up on the internet.

Dad chooses to live. Praise God.

Lost soul and a haircut

I sent a 30 minute DVD to my brothers of mother.

They are far enough from here that visiting is not an option right
now and I wanted them to get a sense of what Dad is dealing with. The
changes in mother have been profound in months since the entire
family was together back in June of 2006. Even back then mother was a
rather lost soul with limited awareness of the family gathering
surrounding her, but in the months after the event she kept speaking
of the family gathering although she was not aware when it happened
or what the occasion was, (Mom and Dad's 50th anniversary).

Now, as the tape shows, she is far beyond being lost and has moved
into repetitive hand wringing, folding and refolding a sweater or
blouse and gloriously and outrageously into inappropriate layering of
clothing with all the tags hanging out. You gotta smile, after all.

I visited mom and dad ten days ago and when I knocked on the door and
walked in mother rushed to me, on the verge of tears and asked me to
go back outside with me so she could safely whisper her concerns
regarding the other people who live in her house who she does not
seem to know. I listened and learned that the problem was mostly with
the children who apparently "don't mean to be bad... but" apparently
were causing quite a disturbance in her head. I continue to be amazed
at the loss of who she was.

My whole family went up to visit this past Sunday. We had an
interesting day planned. I cooked up a full pasta meal with a fresh
mushroom and garlic pepper sauce. Linda gave mom a bath and a hair
cut. Due to the Alzheimer's, mom has taken to snapping at dad and not
letting him help her with the baths or showers she needs. Linda was a
big help and mom had a bath.

Then the haircut. Mom has been complaining for weeks about her hair,
she has talked to herself in the mirror about her hair, she has
complained to father about her hair, she as complained to all who
will listen about her hair, it is just too long. So Linda gave her a
nice cut. When the cut was finished, combed out and looking wonderful
mom commented, "well that was a lot of work, there was nothing wrong
with my hair before so why did I need it cut. So smile, smile, smile
and keep right on a'smiling.....

It was a great visit, dad has commented that mom often does not eat a
full meal and that day she just devoured her pasta and mushrooms and
it was good to see her rather content for a few minutes.

Whos Minds

Several weeks ago I spent the weekend video taping Mom as she talked
and wandered and shared stories and banged on doors and chatted with
herself in the mirror. Since that weekend my fingers have been
paralyzed and unable to share my thoughts as to what I saw, what is
happening in her brain and what future Dad is ultimately faced with.

As I watch and listen to Mom wandering the house I find myself
profoundly uncertain regarding the concepts of, mind, self,
consciousness, self awareness, person hood and ultimately sanity.
While it is simple and quick to point out the obvious reality that
Alzheimer's is chewing away at her physical brain I had no idea it
would manifest itself in such mind-body disconnected symptoms mixed
in with existing memories of old family stories.

When a kitten is frightened and fascinated by the view in the mirror
we smile and say, "look at that, see, the cat does not have a
developed sense of "self"". It sees itself in the mirror and does
not, at first, realized that it only sees an image, not another cat.
It looks behind the mirror to find the other cat and when no other
cat is found, gradually the behavior goes away and the kitten ignores
the mirror since it has learned at some level that it is not "real".

So, when Mom talks to her face in the mirror, poses questions for the
image, answers questions not spoken aloud and generally chats and
gets frustrated with her mirror image, what connection has failed in
the brain? When Mom introduces me to the person in the mirror, tells
the image my name and relationship to her (the speaking "her", not
the image) and expresses appreciation for my presence, who is
appreciative of my presence, the persona in the image or the
breathing Mother? When the image in the mirror is told lengthy family
stories (of mixed fact and fantasy) but Mother does not recognize the
man in the other room as her husband, what explanation is there? When
Mom is petulant, frustrated, miffed and downright angry at the mirror
image because it will not follow her to the kitchen for a meal, what
is going on? Where does the brain end and the mind begin?

The brain/mind, physical matter/memory debate has raged for over a
hundred years. I certainly have nothing but questions. But they are
questions that live rather close to home. If the physical brain
matter connection between the memory storage location and the
"thinking, sentient" portion of the brain is broken, is the memory
actually gone? It the "sense of self" is lost but many of the learned
behaviors of drinking water and holding a spoon remain, what
connection was broken? How is it possible for Mom to speak with me
(in this reality) and turn to the mirror and speak to "her" without
her mind catching the obvious confusion point that I see plainly? If
Mom recognizes me, but not Dad, and discusses with the mirror who the
man in the house is, yet is not troubled by his presence, what
connections are working or broken?

Knowing that we have regions of the brain, for memory, for decisions,
for pleasure, for unconscious functions, it seems that the damage
happening to Mom seems to be at the connection points between memory
and self and function. I know that is a completely unscientific
description but it is the best I have right now and I don't feel
like digging up all the region names and functions for this posting.

And not surprisingly, trying to describe the physical changes,
detailing the behavior changes, cataloging the losses, it sounds like
coping.

PUC, Land and Values

Jerry,

I just finished reviewing the article/letter on the Save Rural Angwin
website and it has all the marks of being written by Duane Cronk. I
do not know if you know Duane, local retired gent who also has a
website that is opposed to PUC.

http://www.angwinreporter.com/index.html

Opinions are like earwax, everybody has some, even if they don't
admit it. I have lived here and worked here and seen financial
pressures and there are many reasons and excuses as to why PUC is
stagnant and all the California community colleges and UC campuses
are overflowing. One of the largest reasons, to me, is that Adventist
families are not sending their kids to SDA colleges, and academies
for that matter. Certainly not at the percentage level of years ago,
and that is a problem. It is a very difficult problem to address and
face head on from inside a school that needs higher enrollment.

The SDA church is a young church that continues to evolve and mature.
That process of change included paying for the intelligentsia of the
church to get terminal degrees at non-SDA universities starting back
in the 1960's. And we are proud to have these people as professors in
our schools and doctors in our hospitals and teachers in our
academies and pastors in our churches and then, surprise, surprise,
they do not line up to send their kids to SDA schools but instead
send them out to "better" schools.

It used to be that Adventist families desired their kids to be in
"the best SDA school", now we are seeing more and more, parents
placing kids in "the best college" and SDA is just one possible
criteria among many, and not the top criteria. Like I said an
evolving and developing church.

And (this is me wandering off on a tangent here) the North American
SDA church is dividing more and more into fundamentalist members and
pluralist members. The "old school" (my folks come to mind) will not
attend the SDA schools since we are so liberal and the more liberal
often think we are not open minded enough. What a balance to attempt
by Dick and the other administrators. And these topics and focusing
on minor topics keep some families away. As the church evolves and
matures it will continue (in my lifetime) to be interesting just what
"Adventist" looks like in 20 years.

And all the above is related to land, and land use and land sales and
vineyards and wine and values and perception and it is impossible to
please them all. But I give the leaders of PUC full credit for trying
to do the best in trying times to position the college for the future
both financially and socially to serve a changing church.

OK, enough for tonight. Craig

Mom and PUC update

I may not write much tonight but here is a recap.

Mom and Dad are fine in the new normal reality that Mom is essentially totally gone from reality. Her reality exist primarily with her friend in the bathroom mirror and that is just about it. Dad has had to change the door locks on the house to keyed locks on the inside so she does not let herself out of the house at night and wander off. I was up at the house Friday and the three of us went to the Lake County Social Services center to register and start the process of social worker visits, evaluation and eventual placement in some sort of assisted care center.

Dad called and said that Bill and Jan were intending to stop by on their way back to the Sacramento airport. I know last time Bill stopped by he was distressed to see the shape his sister was/is in. I have never known Bill very well but I suspect he is hurting on the inside in his quieter way and I feel for him. The changes in Mom can be a shock to the system if you only see her every few months or years. Her inability to relate to anything in "real" life is frustrating to me and sometimes I think to her since she can get very petty and crabby and cross and confused and accuses those that care for her of not doing even the littlest things to meet her needs. But of course you just did those things and she has no memory. Tough.

Here at PUC I can not speak for anyone but myself on the proposals that PUC has made regarding development. I have written several supportive letters to the paper and have been flamed and blasted in a couple responses on the Register website. But I still think two things, one PUC has the right to develop as long as it complies with county regulation and two, the same people complaining about PUC putting in some houses never complained as several hundred acres of forest have been cleared on Howell Mountain for vineyards. Clear cutting for vines is merely "agricultural conversion" while cutting one tree for housing is raping the land. This confuses me.

Regarding the names involved, I do not know all of them. I have met Adam Pease, he is a high level computer programer from New England who made some money in Silicon Valley and moved to Angwin. He and I have shared emails and perspectives regarding the PUC article on Wikipedia, http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pacific_Union_College, his passion seems very focused and narrow and seems to reflect NIMBY and "I got mine, never mind about you."

The alumni letter that I got, I just read and tossed and considered a very poor attempt at PR by PUC. I do receive calls from Alumni at the Enrollment Office from time to time and they all tend to be negative but often turn neutral when they learn more about the project and acknowledge they had incomplete or faulty information. I have spoken with Kelli Anderson several times and she commented, "Craig, in another time I think you and I could have been friends." And I think she is right. Regarding the project proposals, I hate to see the open space in front of the college get filled with houses, rebuilding a new, better designed shopping plaza seems good and adding some apartments and small homes nearby seems good. Redeveloping the old Farm and dairy area seems reasonable and redeveloping Mobile Manor, where I live, seems like a splendid idea. Placing twelve homes on forty acre parcels behind the airport does not seem excessive either since all the hills and trails beyond that are preserved and there should not end up being a new Crestmont type development.

To me, change happens, and yes, as an employee I can see all the financial stresses inside the institution that need to be addressed, from improved dorms to adequate computer networks, it takes money to run this place and tuition is not enough to cover the needs.

I check the letters and responses on the Napa Register every day for the latest remarks from the community. Right now the formal letters seem balanced between save Angwin and supportive of PUC. And yes, most of the supportive letters are from people affiliated with the college in some way, past or present. But the interesting stuff is usually in the responses posted on the website, that is where the give and take and thrashing and trashing takes place. A response was made in there that was removed quickly by the editor after I was called out by name as a patsy of the college who could not balance my own check book.

Enough for now, I will stay in touch. Oh, one more thing, my fathers brother "Wilber" passed away in San Bernardino. He had several strokes and such and was already quite blind from diabetes. Dad is going down this coming Friday to Southern California for a memorial and I am staying with Mom for three days. It should be interesting.

Craig
On Feb 25, 2007, at 5:18 PM, GMCOPLE wrote:

Hi Craig,

I came very close to stopping by to see your parents yesterday and would have except the weather wasn't that great. My wife and I had gone up to Fort Bragg to see Bill and Jan. I knew that they had done quite a bit of work to the "old place" and I wanted to check it out. The weather on Friday was beautiful. We were going to stay a couple of days but something came up that we had to be back by this morning so we just stayed overnight.

I started out toward Lake County by going to Willits from Fort Bragg (not my normal method) but once I hit 101, I kept going south (the weather wasn't terrible but it wasn't good). And, I didn't even know if they were home (I was going to just continue to go on into Pope Valley and up over the hill...I always go through Napa Valley when going to/from Mendocino anyway). But I didn't go through Lake County.

So how are they? I am going to call this week. Bill may stop by tomorrow on their way back to Montana. And, yes, I think his stopping is a good thing.

Also, I am getting bombarded from every angle by the SaveRuralAngwin crowd...letters to the editor, I went up to a Foothills meeting and it seems like "everyone" is opposed that I know up there (other than people associated with PUC). Some of the people who write the letters...who are they? And who is this guy Steven Booska who wrote to all the alumnus? And who wrote the lead article on the SRA website (Adam Pease?)?

Anyway, keep me posted...I still have an open mind but the people I see sure don't! And give me a quick update on your Mom.

Jerry Cople

Fwd: PARENTS AND PUC

PARENTS AND PUC

 I may not write much tonight but here is a recap. 

Mom and Dad are fine in the new normal reality that Mom is essentially totally gone from reality. Her reality exist primarily with her friend in the bathroom mirror and that is just about it. Dad has had to change the door locks on the house to keyed locks on the inside so she does not let herself out of the house at night and wander off. I was up at the house Friday and the three of us went to the Lake County Social Services center to register and start the process of social worker visits, evaluation and eventual placement in some sort of assisted care center. 

Dad called and said that Bill and Jan were intending to stop by on their way back to the Sacramento airport. I know last time Bill stopped by he was distressed to see the shape his sister was/is in. I have never known Bill very well but I suspect he is hurting on the inside in his quieter way and I feel for him. The changes in Mom can be a shock to the system if you only see her every few months or years. Her inability to relate to anything in "real" life is frustrating to me and sometimes I think to her since she can get very petty and crabby and cross and confused and accuses those that care for her of not doing even the littlest things to meet her needs. But of course you just did those things and she has no memory. Tough. 

Here at PUC I can not speak for anyone but myself on the proposals that PUC has made regarding development. I have written several supportive letters to the paper and have been flamed and blasted in a couple responses on the Register website. But I still think two things, one PUC has the right to develop as long as it complies with county regulation and two, the same people complaining about PUC putting in some houses never complained as several hundred acres of forest have been cleared on Howell Mountain for vineyards. Clear cutting for vines is merely "agricultural conversion" while cutting one tree for housing is raping the land. This confuses me. 

Regarding the names involved, I do not know all of them. I have met Adam Pease, he is a high level computer programer from New England who made some money in Silicon Valley and moved to Angwin. He and I have shared emails and perspectives regarding the PUC article on Wikipedia, http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pacific_Union_College, his passion seems very focused and narrow and seems to reflect NIMBY and "I got mine, never mind about you."

The alumni letter that I got, I just read and tossed and considered a very poor attempt at PR by PUC. I do receive calls from Alumni at the Enrollment Office from time to time and they all tend to be negative but often turn neutral when they learn more about the project and acknowledge they had incomplete or faulty information. I have spoken with Kelli Anderson several times and she commented, "Craig, in another time I think you and I could have been friends." And I think she is right. Regarding the project proposals, I hate to see the open space in front of the college get filled with houses, rebuilding a new, better designed shopping plaza seems good and adding some apartments and small homes nearby seems good. Redeveloping the old Farm and dairy area seems reasonable and redeveloping Mobile Manor, where I live, seems like a splendid idea. Placing twelve homes on forty acre parcels behind the airport does not seem excessive either since all the hills and trails beyond that are preserved and there should not end up being a new Crestmont type development. 

To me, change happens, and yes, as an employee I can see all the financial stresses inside the institution that need to be addressed, from improved dorms to adequate computer networks, it takes money to run this place and tuition is not enough to cover the needs. 

I check the letters and responses on the Napa Register every day for the latest remarks from the community. Right now the formal letters seem balanced between save Angwin and supportive of PUC. And yes, most of the supportive letters are from people affiliated with the college in some way, past or present. But the interesting stuff is usually in the responses posted on the website, that is where the give and take and thrashing and trashing takes place. A response was made in there that was removed quickly by the editor after I was called out by name as a patsy of the college who could not balance my own check book.

Enough for now, I will stay in touch. Oh, one more thing, my fathers brother "Wilber" passed away in San Bernardino. He had several strokes and such and was already quite blind from diabetes. Dad is going down this coming Friday to Southern California for a memorial and I am staying with Mom for three days. It should be interesting. 

Craig

On Feb 25, 2007, at 5:18 PM, GMCOPLE wrote:

Hi Craig,

 

I came very close to stopping by to see your parents yesterday and would have except the weather wasn't that great.  My wife and I had gone up to Fort Bragg to see Bill and Jan.  I knew that they had done quite a bit of work to the "old place" and I wanted to check it out.  The weather on Friday was beautiful.  We were going to stay a couple of days but something came up that we had to be back by this morning so we just stayed overnight.

 

I started out toward Lake County by going to Willits from Fort Bragg (not my normal method) but once I hit 101, I kept going south (the weather wasn't terrible but it wasn't good).  And, I didn't even know if they were home (I was going to just continue to go on into Pope Valley and up over the hill...I always go through Napa Valley when going to/from Mendocino anyway).  But I didn't go through Lake County.

 

So how are they?  I am going to call this week.  Bill may stop by tomorrow on their way back to Montana.  And, yes, I think his stopping is a good thing.

 

Also, I am getting bombarded from every angle by the SaveRuralAngwin crowd...letters to the editor, I went up to a Foothills meeting and it seems like "everyone" is opposed that I know up there (other than people associated with PUC).  Some of the people who write the letters...who are they?  And who is this guy Steven Booska who wrote to all the alumnus?  And who wrote the lead article on the SRA website (Adam Pease?)?

 

Anyway, keep me posted...I still have an open mind but the people I see sure don't!  And give me a quick update on your Mom.

 

Jerry

PARENTS AND PUC

Jerry, 

 I may not write much tonight but here is a recap. 

Mom and Dad are fine in the new normal reality that Mom is essentially totally gone from reality. Her reality exist primarily with her friend in the bathroom mirror and that is just about it. Dad has had to change the door locks on the house to keyed locks on the inside so she does not let herself out of the house at night and wander off. I was up at the house Friday and the three of us went to the Lake County Social Services center to register and start the process of social worker visits, evaluation and eventual placement in some sort of assisted care center. 

Dad called and said that Bill and Jan were intending to stop by on their way back to the Sacramento airport. I know last time Bill stopped by he was distressed to see the shape his sister was/is in. I have never known Bill very well but I suspect he is hurting on the inside in his quieter way and I feel for him. The changes in Mom can be a shock to the system if you only see her every few months or years. Her inability to relate to anything in "real" life is frustrating to me and sometimes I think to her since she can get very petty and crabby and cross and confused and accuses those that care for her of not doing even the littlest things to meet her needs. But of course you just did those things and she has no memory. Tough. 

Here at PUC I can not speak for anyone but myself on the proposals that PUC has made regarding development. I have written several supportive letters to the paper and have been flamed and blasted in a couple responses on the Register website. But I still think two things, one PUC has the right to develop as long as it complies with county regulation and two, the same people complaining about PUC putting in some houses never complained as several hundred acres of forest have been cleared on Howell Mountain for vineyards. Clear cutting for vines is merely "agricultural conversion" while cutting one tree for housing is raping the land. This confuses me. 

Regarding the names involved, I do not know all of them. I have met Adam Pease, he is a high level computer programer from New England who made some money in Silicon Valley and moved to Angwin. He and I have shared emails and perspectives regarding the PUC article on Wikipedia, http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pacific_Union_College, his passion seems very focused and narrow and seems to reflect NIMBY and "I got mine, never mind about you."

The alumni letter that I got, I just read and tossed and considered a very poor attempt at PR by PUC. I do receive calls from Alumni at the Enrollment Office from time to time and they all tend to be negative but often turn neutral when they learn more about the project and acknowledge they had incomplete or faulty information. I have spoken with Kelli Anderson several times and she commented, "Craig, in another time I think you and I could have been friends." And I think she is right. Regarding the project proposals, I hate to see the open space in front of the college get filled with houses, rebuilding a new, better designed shopping plaza seems good and adding some apartments and small homes nearby seems good. Redeveloping the old Farm and dairy area seems reasonable and redeveloping Mobile Manor, where I live, seems like a splendid idea. Placing twelve homes on forty acre parcels behind the airport does not seem excessive either since all the hills and trails beyond that are preserved and there should not end up being a new Crestmont type development. 

To me, change happens, and yes, as an employee I can see all the financial stresses inside the institution that need to be addressed, from improved dorms to adequate computer networks, it takes money to run this place and tuition is not enough to cover the needs. 

I check the letters and responses on the Napa Register every day for the latest remarks from the community. Right now the formal letters seem balanced between save Angwin and supportive of PUC. And yes, most of the supportive letters are from people affiliated with the college in some way, past or present. But the interesting stuff is usually in the responses posted on the website, that is where the give and take and thrashing and trashing takes place. A response was made in there that was removed quickly by the editor after I was called out by name as a patsy of the college who could not balance my own check book.

Enough for now, I will stay in touch. Oh, one more thing, my fathers brother "Wilber" passed away in San Bernardino. He had several strokes and such and was already quite blind from diabetes. Dad is going down this coming Friday to Southern California for a memorial and I am staying with Mom for three days. It should be interesting. 

Craig

On Feb 25, 2007, at 5:18 PM, GMCOPLE wrote:

Hi Craig,

 

I came very close to stopping by to see your parents yesterday and would have except the weather wasn't that great.  My wife and I had gone up to Fort Bragg to see Bill and Jan.  I knew that they had done quite a bit of work to the "old place" and I wanted to check it out.  The weather on Friday was beautiful.  We were going to stay a couple of days but something came up that we had to be back by this morning so we just stayed overnight.

 

I started out toward Lake County by going to Willits from Fort Bragg (not my normal method) but once I hit 101, I kept going south (the weather wasn't terrible but it wasn't good).  And, I didn't even know if they were home (I was going to just continue to go on into Pope Valley and up over the hill...I always go through Napa Valley when going to/from Mendocino anyway).  But I didn't go through Lake County.

 

So how are they?  I am going to call this week.  Bill may stop by tomorrow on their way back to Montana.  And, yes, I think his stopping is a good thing.

 

Also, I am getting bombarded from every angle by the SaveRuralAngwin crowd...letters to the editor, I went up to a Foothills meeting and it seems like "everyone" is opposed that I know up there (other than people associated with PUC).  Some of the people who write the letters...who are they?  And who is this guy Steven Booska who wrote to all the alumnus?  And who wrote the lead article on the SRA website (Adam Pease?)?

 

Anyway, keep me posted...I still have an open mind but the people I see sure don't!  And give me a quick update on your Mom.

 

Jerry

February 6, 2007