Looking for a home?

Dad has been doing a lot of research on what the assisted living
options will be for Mom in the future. As she slides into oblivion
and requires more care it seems that the future will probably arrive
this year, 2007.

There is so much to learn about the minutia of MediCal and the
details of the application process. Desiring the very best for Mom
and looking for a care center mixed in with all the related paperwork
seems to be just more stress then any of us need. Dad has an option
ten miles from his house, other options range up to an hour away from
his home and the hope is that Mom's condition and medical needs will
be a match with the services offered near home when the time comes.

"When the time comes" is a euphemism for... "this is actually
happening and it is happening right now but no one wants to say it
out loud that with in a matter of months Mom will be in an
Alzheimer's unit of some sort and we will have started the "next
stage" what ever that is. It is hard to sort through feelings and do
the work needed at the same time. Sometimes the work needed is to
take calls from Dad at 12 noon when I am at work and he is frustrated
and needs to talk and share the latest thing he has learned about
government paperwork or legal requirements or waiting lists or on and
on.

While we wait and live and work on a smooth future the lady that is
helping with Mom once a week continues to come in and tell Dad each
week that he should not be trying to care for Mom all by himself for
six days at a time without a break. So he takes Mom to day care, now
on three days a week for about four hours a day. It seems to be
helping him. Dad does comment occasionally about "guilt", a word he
does not often use. He feels guilt that he is dropping Mom off a the
church for day care, he feels guilt as he looks for a care center to
care for her, he feels guilt that has no rhythm or reason, it is just
there.

And sometimes, (often) I do to.