the wife of a dear friend and SDA leader died from a stroke. Today I
rescued a western grebe (it is a bird) from certain death and gave it
a safe home. Today another family received word that their son was
accepted to college. Tomorrow Mother is admitted to a nursing home.
The weather is supposed to be wonderful, partly cloudy, temps in the
low 80's, should be very nice.
This week has become a marathon of preparing for tomorrow. It all
really started back in July of 2001 when Mom and Dad and I spent a
very uncomfortable weekend together working on documents that both
Mom and Dad needed to sign, but we already knew then, that it was
mostly Mom that needed to sign. Financial Power of Attorney, Medical
Power of Attorney, Medical Do Not Resuscitate order, Sign a will,
Sign a final wishes plan, who knew then that tomorrow would be the
day that all those documents would be used, officially.
Since 2001, the planning to eventually deal with the placement of Mom
in a nursing home for Alzheimer's care has been the "back story"
behind so many other family plans that Dad has made. When to move
closer to town. Where to move, how far to a hospital, how far to
town? Important topics now. And now tomorrow has come. Thought it
never would.
The placement interview with the facility was held on Monday. Met
with the facility director, the director of nursing, the business
manager. The preliminary care plan was started and a bed was
reserved. Tuesday was paper work day. Completing the MediCal
application, completing the county social services application,
copying all the supporting documents from car title to phone bill to
bank accounts, it took three hours and felt like all day. Wednesday
was supposed to be admission day but the initial care plan for Mom
includes an electronic bracelet for security in her early weeks
during the most likely time when she may attempt to wander off. That
bracelet was not available until Thursday, so here we are.
Tomorrow, admission starts at 10.30 AM, we have been told it will
take two hours. Mom will be under the care of facility staff, Dad and
I will be listening to care plans and Dad will be signing "about 20
items."
Those are the facts. How do I feel? The facility is nice as these
things go. Twelve years old, four wings, central nursing station, no
negative smells (really, no smells), huge fenced in back yard with
cement paths and trees and grass. 99 beds, two dining rooms, patients
are three to a room. Private visiting rooms are available for family
visits. Facility is privately, family owned and visits are encouraged
regardless of posted visiting hours.
Mom has sat through hours of Dad and I discussing care plans and
paperwork and packing clothes and name tags and she does not
comprehend. She seems to react to general stress and that is all. She
wanders in and out of the bathroom where she chats cheerfully with
her two friends. (I just found out there are two friends, one, she
says, is very nice but the "other one is quite a brat") who knew? Mom
is struggling more and more with identifying food on her plate, she
will point to a food item and say, "I know that is good, but what am
I supposed to do with it?" All her food must be cut into bite size
pieces. She is struggling with taking her pills, the process, pills,
mouth, water, is more confusing and she has a heightened gag reflex
that is going to cause more trouble in the future. She also has
barely controlled edema in her lower legs and also has subcutaneous
bleeding on one calf which may indicate the return of the vasculitis
that has plagued her for many years. Her care has started to kill Dad
and her weekly bathing assistant has started to really struggle to
safely control Mom on bath day. Mom's confusion has kept Dad on very
limited sleep for weeks and weeks and it all comes down to tomorrow.
But how do I feel? Pretty much no idea how I feel. I am keeping busy,
I either binge on food or feel like throwing up, I have a hard time
sleeping and I wake up at 4.50AM. Apparently I am fine. Dad is
coping, keeping busy, losing weight, (he has lost over 50 pounds in
the past two months). He is tending his garden and cracking walnuts,
taking Mom to day care so he can go shopping, keeping busy. He calls
me about 4-6 times a day. He regularly calls to talk with both my
brothers in Tennessee. he is very tired.
Tomorrow starts in 13 hours.
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