Makes me wonder

I visited Mom again today. How many times have I said that, how many
times have I written it...

Since I was last here much has happened. Two weeks ago Dad and I
moved Mom from Petaluma back to Clearlake to the nursing home she
started her journey in last May. She is back within ten miles of
Dad's home and I again can visit both Mom and Dad in the same trip,
no driving opposite directions to see each of them. The 80 mile
journey back to Clearlake was thankfully uneventful, Mom was quiet,
almost sleepy the entire drive and we needed to make no un-scheduled
stops of any kind. The staff in Clearlake were ready for our arrival
and Mom was in her new bed in no time at all.

Sadly her emotions and responses were essentially flat the entire
day. While at ease and comfortable with Dad and I she also had very
little reaction to either of us on any emotional level. When we
arrived at our destination the staff provided a wheel chair to our
car and it took us many long minutes to get Mom up, standing, turned
around and seated in the chair. She was unable to take direction,
unable to understand the mechanics of turning around and was very
nervous regarding standing and walking. Quite discouraging.

So, I was back for a visit today. I walked in to the center, was
greeted by staff that recognized me and I made my way to Mom's room.
I found her in her wheel chair in the hallway, foamy wedge seatbelt
in place, she was fiddling with a foot rest on her chair. I said, "Hi
Mom", said it several times, she did not particularly respond, I
turned her chair and moved down to her level and said "Hi" again. She
recognized me on some level, took my hand and I walked with her
rolling along down to her room. Each open door we came to she wanted
to turn in since this was "her room", I kept us rolling along until
we arrived at her door.

Her bed is is a "low bed" with a floor pad, no restraints, just a
nurse station motion alert and a floor pad for rolling out of bed. I
guess I would rather not think about the nights right now. I sat on
the bed, faced her tried several simple attempts to reach her, "hi
Mom, how are you...", "hi Mom, are you having a good day?...", "Mom,
is today a good day?". She never responded. She removed her sandals,
I put them back on, she turned her chair around and rolled out of the
room. That was it. She went out to the hall, turned right and slowly
cruised down the hall to the first available room, where she turned
in. I stood at the door of her room, leaning against the door jamb,
watching her go, I considered crying. I walked down the hall, met the
nurses's aide for the hall, the aide said, "where is Marjorie?", I
said she just rolled into her neighbor's room. The aide said, "oh no"
and trotted down the hall. I walked out the front door.

Total time, eight minutes, what a great visit, what a great son.