This note feels strange

I have pondered writing this note for a very long time. My entries in
this blog about Mom are getting further and further apart, and
shorter and shorter. It feels strange in a way, it feels some how
relieving in a way also.

Mom is at peace. I mean, I am at peace with where she is. She is
comfortable, she is well cared for, she is nourished, she has little
idea of what happens day to day. And apparently I have come to some
sort of peace with all this. I seem to have nothing new to add, her
situation is not changing from day to day right now, she is well
cared for.

I on occasion drive past her facility and visit Dad without stopping
to see her. This generates far less thought or guilt then it would
have months ago. It has not even been a year yet and I am growing
complacent.

And in all this there is a sort of resignation, acceptance that what
is, IS. What will be, WILL BE.

I continue to care and concern much for the growth and transformation
of Dad into his life alone. Such is moving forward. But not moving on.

It is a new day

Dad and I just had the best evening. I cooked him an excellent home
cooked meal for dinner then we took off with me looking to take some
new sunset pictures across the lake. It was good to drive and talk
and stay connected. The sunset picture and other images of mine are
posted on my photo website, http://photo.net/photos/cphilpot.

I dropped in to see Mom for the first time since the care center took
down the signs on the door stating, "This facility is experiencing a
flu outbreak". She was resting on her bed and I had a nice visit with
her nurse aide. Mom did not recognize me, not even a little. Dad told
me that she knew his name yesterday, today, nothing. (and why is it
important, either way?) Mom sat up for a few minutes since she seemed
to know she had a visitor, but then she lay down again and drifted off.

She looks rather different then when I last saw her. Since my last
visit the facility called to notify us that the doctor had ordered
changes in Mom's meds, it is courtesy notification to the family. The
doctor has full control. Anyway, they changed her calming or sedative
medication several weeks back and the change is rather obvious. Her
face is a bit puffy from medication effects of some type, she is
calmer, quieter and yet fully able to talk to staff and ask to get in
her wheelchair or go to bed. It is an interesting change.

After so many months of seeing her so agitated and banging into
things this somehow seems better. The aide spoke of Mom as "her
favorite patient". She told of Mom always speaking of Jesus and
always being nice to the staff. This in contrast to other guest who
from what I have heard, speak of Jesus in a rather different manner.
It was a good visit.